Monday, October 15, 2007

The Self Being Primary

I'm no Descartes. I won't claim to be a studious Philosopher, nor will I aim to prove that the following notion is anything more than a theory or opinion. This is simply the dictation of what it is I believe keeps me sane in this world. My wife recently shared with me a quote that went someting like, "Writing is only an excusable form of scizophrenia." I am certainly inclined to agree with that, seeing how much of my life I spend dreaming about worlds that exist only in my imagination and for purely my own benefit.

Regardless, it is in this exercise of psychosis that I find myself most comfortable. And what after all, is more important in one's life than the self? Not selfishness, not selfish acts, not even narcissism, but purely the idea that when all is said and done and world is laid to waste, all you have to stack the meaning of your life against is yourself and those things you have seen, done, known, experienced. Even if a parent claims that their child matters more than themselves, which I will not deny, this is simply because the child is an extension of one's self.

Loved ones, though more important than anything they may seem, are but reflections of our own desires, our wants, and our hopes for happiness. Again, it becomes apparent that we are creatures who must measure our meaning from the self, and all that it may include. Therefore, I am of the resolute opinion that the SELF is the foremost concern of anyone who seeks to find happiness, peace, or simply balance between all life's concerns.

How someone is supposed to come to this realization is beyond me. Every so often it is necessary to re-evaluate your life, of this I'm sure. Anyone who claims to never question their life, I must certainly ask if they're still breathing, if they still cry, if they still feel their stomach quiver at the sight of something nerve-racking. This process of giving one's self a report card may or may not come at regular intervals. A triggering event can begin the process prematurely, or delay it just as likely. Regardless, it is clear to me that taking part in such introspection is a necessary step towards attaining happiness. The struggle to find and keep happiness is never-ending, and indeed many may go a whole lifetime without even the slightest clue as to where to look.

Ignorance may be bliss, but I fancy myself the inquisitive type. I need to know. I need to question. I need to find answers. Every time I think I've found THE solution, more questions come up, and the cycle begins anew. It is nice to have the constants of my life, the anchors to keep me grounded. But I'll be damned if I am never satisfied with life, and I highly doubt I shall ever stop looking for more from life, more to me. I never want to stop growing, of this I'm certain.

Again, let me reiterate that this may be true for me and not at all for the next person, but then if you had no inclination to agree with me even in the slightest I assume you would have stopped reading many sentences ago. No, you remain here, reading these words because you might have had similar thoughts, or maybe these words are striking a chord within you. Whatever keeps you here, I appreciate you taking the time to read this babble.

The title of this blog insists that I occasionally ramble. More often than not, I go on and on about my hobbies, and that may be what you've come to expect. But I had to get something like this out in type. It's the best way to organize my thoughts. Thanks for reading if you have.


wldwlf said...

Thanks for wasting 2 minutes of my life Bill. Gotta love

Bildo said...

It's only a waste if you want it to be, grasshopper. :)

Aspendawn said...

Not a waste for me. These are the types of thoughts that fill my head constantly, maybe a bit too much as I get older.

But I view self as one's impact on others. This is a big part of where you find happiness and peace. The rest comes from your own thoughts and perceptions...viewing the glass as half full, etc.

Listen to Wayne Dyer if you haven't already. Not everyone's cup of tea I suppose but very inspiring for me when I start to forget my purpose.

*vlad* said...

Seems like I'm in a mood to quote songs for some reason.
Here's one for you:

"Now I've gained some understanding of the only world that we see.
Things that I once dreamed of, have become reality.
These walls that still surround me,
still contain the same old me,
just one more, whos searching for the world that ought to be"

- Neal Peart