tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4935839516034623891.post6774410513365074052..comments2023-10-29T09:53:06.517-05:00Comments on The Ramblings of JoBildo: Because I like to Torture You... Here's Chapter 2.Bildohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06984263503537727388noreply@blogger.comBlogger7125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4935839516034623891.post-63975794756580269542007-10-15T08:27:00.000-05:002007-10-15T08:27:00.000-05:00aye, a super-low-fat diet has left me feeling much...aye, a super-low-fat diet has left me feeling much better. now I'm just waiting to hear back from the doc on the test results.<BR/><BR/>I <I>always</I> find my first few drafts have this kind of stuff in them propping things up. It's just the way things flow most naturally, and it takes stepping back and doing some serious revising before I can pare it away.<BR/><BR/><I>"You can't please everyone, but you can learn from them."</I><BR/><BR/>Absolutely. You won't always agree with folks' suggestions, and you can ignore them if you decide they aren't what's best for your writing. But if you ignore them without at least taking the time to entertain them as possibilities first, you risk never making your writing as good as it can possibly be. You have just the right attitude with regards to criticism, IMO. :)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4935839516034623891.post-72473643541146030432007-10-15T07:52:00.000-05:002007-10-15T07:52:00.000-05:00Glad to see you're feeling a bit better, Heather a...Glad to see you're feeling a bit better, Heather and thanks for the input as always.<BR/><BR/>I've recently printed off the 1st 4 chapters and am currently detailing through them with this feedback and a new fresh look at them now that I'm 2+ years off from finishing the draft. <BR/><BR/>I'll be posting the next couple chapters soon, unrevised so be on the look out!<BR/><BR/>I definitely agree on the shadow thing... I guess I didn't have a better idea back then. And all the similes must go. Too flowery. Maybe I thought they were necessary at some point, but now I think they're too heavy handed. Like when a comedian falls back on the same set-up and delivery for every joke... it's bound to lose its effect.<BR/><BR/>Noted for sure.<BR/><BR/>Thanks to the lot of you.Bildohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06984263503537727388noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4935839516034623891.post-58784281959128722532007-10-15T04:55:00.000-05:002007-10-15T04:55:00.000-05:00I agree that something other than "the shadow" is ...I agree that something other than "the shadow" is good---and I love "the rot." It suits the milieu. I did have trouble believing that Shea could go back home after seeing his parents frozen and empty, and even more trouble believing he could fall asleep, just because the old guy left him a note saying it was okay; I'd be more likely to fall asleep at the guy's store myself, going, "yeah, right, you didn't see my parents!"<BR/><BR/>Truly tiny things---which, fyi, always means that I like things, because I only mention the tiny stuff when I don't have much big stuff to mention:<BR/><BR/>Could use a bit of generic slimming, IMO---i.e., check for excess wordage here and there. Things like "oddly" being redundant in the first sentence. Or "the boy crept <I>like a thief</I> into his own home" (redundant and cliched). But seriously, that's late-round editing stuff, and I only mention it because this is good enough that I think it's worth mentioning.<BR/><BR/>Once again, can't wait to find out what happens next!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4935839516034623891.post-58173599772254015022007-10-09T09:01:00.000-05:002007-10-09T09:01:00.000-05:00After 3 years of creative writing courses, and abo...After 3 years of creative writing courses, and about a dozen years of fiction writing and rewriting, criticism doesn't jerk my gerkin anymore.<BR/><BR/>My skin's too thick. I look at all criticism from friends family or strangers as helpful, even if someone outright hates my writing. :)<BR/><BR/>You can't please everyone, but you can learn from them.Bildohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06984263503537727388noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4935839516034623891.post-27914491029968998442007-10-09T08:47:00.000-05:002007-10-09T08:47:00.000-05:00Glad you took that as constructive criticism. Very...Glad you took that as constructive criticism. Very easy to tear down something that took a long time to build. <BR/>Similies, not metaphors, meh. I need a refresher course.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4935839516034623891.post-47821168415605568222007-10-08T10:08:00.000-05:002007-10-08T10:08:00.000-05:00Excellent feedback, Vlad. Greatly appreciated.I t...Excellent feedback, Vlad. Greatly appreciated.<BR/><BR/>I think I'm going to have to agree on the similes. I like having them, but I think you're right in that I may be using too many of them. It's struggle for me often to fight the flowery prose. :)<BR/><BR/>As for the shadow, that's a spot on suggestion too. I've been dying to find something else to call it, but I have no idea what. It's central to the plot line, but doesn't remain as enigmatic as Tolkien's lidless eye. You find out what it is not long from this point.<BR/><BR/>"The Rot" is good... I'll have to think on this and see what else I can come up with before going with it.<BR/><BR/>Fairly soon, the chapters I feel strongly about will be done posting, and it'll be time to rewrite the meat of this story. Just FYI. :) <BR/><BR/>Thanks again, Mon Frer.Bildohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06984263503537727388noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4935839516034623891.post-63141548988617182012007-10-08T08:51:00.000-05:002007-10-08T08:51:00.000-05:00Well you asked for criticism, so there is some fol...Well you asked for criticism, so there is some following:<BR/>Plus points first:<BR/>It was easy to read, it kept me interested, and there are plenty of loose ends for me to wonder what's going to happen next. <BR/><BR/>Now the bad points:<BR/>Too many 'like' metaphors going on.<BR/>"like ice coating blades of grass"<BR/>"like trees that had stood so long" <BR/>"Like statues they remained"<BR/>"Like moss after heavy rain"<BR/>"like rain in a puddle"<BR/><BR/>Um this Shadow thing:<BR/>"All I know of the Shadow..." hmm don't really like this, it's very cliched to be talking of the Shadow, sounds very like Tolkien and a dozen other authors since. <BR/>Perhaps something like "The Rot" would be just as acceptable and not cliched.<BR/><BR/>Now I wait for the next instalment!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com